The Circle of Life

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by Allan Howard, PCI #001
Dayton (OH) Police Department (Retired)

I love cycling and the machines that make it possible; I always have. Consequently, much of my life in retirement revolves around being on two wheels. Lately, I’ve been riding a couple of times a week with a regular group from the cycling club in Dayton. It provides me with the opportunity to get more fit than I would by myself because of the spirit of healthy competition.

Sometimes I can remember someone better by the bike they ride than by their name or personal details. I generally don’t know their religious or political beliefs or even what they do for a living. But I do know their strengths and weaknesses on the bicycle, as they do mine. We are all more focused on what we have in common, which is cycling, than all the things we don’t.

As first responders, we are always a little more cognizant of ourselves when we’re around the general public, for a few good reasons. First and foremost, we follow a calling to protect, preserve, and serve. Every aspect of our training is focused on those very tenets, so we generally seek to spare “civilians” the harsh realities.

It is our job to keep them blissfully ignorant of things that can change the way they look at everything; that is, always looking for the negative vs. the positive. Like many of you, I try to achieve balance by seeking out friends and acquaintances from every walk of life so I might have a broader understanding and view of the world; the club rides provide me with a way to do that.

As people get more familiar with us, they become more comfortable asking about our job and/or what they see in the media relating to our profession. When they do, we discover that the vast majority support the work we do and appreciate how hard it sometimes is. The problem is that we rarely have contact with that segment of society. What we tend to see is a small percentage of society over and over again, nearly 100% of the time. That can make even the most positive person feel like their life’s work is for nothing and that they are alienated from everyone except others that do the same job. That mental isolation is the start of unproductive and sometimes destructive thoughts and practices.

I urge each of you to become acquainted with and/or befriend someone who is completely different from those with whom you work. Seeing and feeling the support of people we ordinarily do not have contact with enables us to confidently do our jobs and counteract the “us vs. them” mentality that can erode our thinking and actions. Instead of “us VS. them”, it becomes “us FOR them”. That one-word change works in both directions, and if we want it, we must first give it.

Yesterday, I participated in an organized 100k bike ride with my friends from the cycling club. Riding in a double paceline, we chatted on the slow sections and tightened up to take advantage of the draft when the pace heated up. As we rode along, I found myself next to a man named Robert, who was riding a very nice carbon Cipollini road bike. He was kitted out as road cyclists are; his cadence and strength were consummate with someone who had spent many hours on the bike. He never wavered and provided a good wheel to be next to, or follow.

He was literally the friend of a friend of a friend, but something seemed familiar about him; I just couldn’t put my finger on it. As we passed by crop fields on rural roads, Robert enlightened me as to how we knew each other. In 2008, I was diagnosed with cancer. The original prognosis was grim. While I publicly vowed to fight tooth and nail, the statistics weren’t in my favor. As a result, I sold off my fleet of beloved bikes so my adult children wouldn’t have to try and sell them when I passed. One of the bikes, an Italian beauty – a Torelli Cortona with all Campagnolo components – was sold to Robert. At the time, he was just getting into cycling at the urging of a friend. He reminded me that, after we had consummated the sale of the bike, we stood in the front yard and talked about cycling.

As many of you know, when it comes to me and cycling, there are no short stories; to say the very least, I am passionate. At a time when I was facing what some (even me) considered to be the last part of my life, I apparently wanted Robert to become a devout cyclist; someone who would catch the fever and never be rid of it. Someone who would enjoy the feeling of being given a set of wings and flying, exactly as I had always felt. On that ride, Robert told me he had indeed become that cyclist and had expanded his collection of experiences and bikes in the more than a decade that had passed since we first met. He told me he was appreciative of my encouragement to become one with the bike and revel in what cycling is really all about.

What he said next was a bit of a shock. He said he wanted me to have the bike back, as a gift, in return for those few words of encouragement when he was first getting started. As anyone would, I told him I couldn’t accept such a nice gesture, but he insisted. Later that week, I drove up to his house and listened intently to the things that helped him become a competent cyclist and all the joy it has brought him. Then, I brought his gift back home to ride it on the roads as I did before, when I thought I’d never live to see another season. I’m certain that Robert and I will ride together again; me on my old bike and he on one of his carbon fiber wonders. Full circle indeed; pun intended.

I said all that to say this: we never really know how many people we have a positive effect on, but we must always be cognizant of it, for their sake and ours. We never really know how many good people hold us in high regard because we rarely have contact with them.

As first responders, we are currently working in some very trying times; times that can be so hard that we often wonder internally whether or not it is worth it. We must persevere for two reasons. One, because we swore that we would do so, and in the end, all we have is our word and our good name. Two, because we never know who we will help or influence in a positive, long-reaching way. That’s what we all signed up to do, so we must remain steadfast in our principles and actions, now more than ever.

Be Safe and Enjoy the Ride,

Allan

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